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since everyone is on my tumblr's nuts i think i'll post here.
i'm sooo confused at the moment.
i really think i have commitment issues.
why must i find something awful in someone who tries to get close to me? whyyy can't i get this other thing out of my head??
whyyyyyy


ok. lazy. bye.

Sep. 27th, 2009

i never post here anymore. damn you tumblr.
bawwwwwww.

oh horoscope, you have such bad timings.

"Patience is not your strong suit right now, but all these mind games are starting to get to you. You may have strong feelings for someone, but that does not mean they can toy with your emotions. Make your feelings known. "

ashley.

life isn't fair. you were too young. you had your whole life.

we graduated together, shared classes, laughed and talked at lunch and nutrition. i could never remember you being too upset, always smiling and happy.

Life isn't fair. But it gives us reminders to take more care of the life we are given. I complain so much about the little things.
But you, you took things as they were given. I went to your myspace earlier and everything was happy. the word "smile" was everywhere. I can't imagine what you must have suffered through. I regret not keeping in touch with you.


Life gives us reminders to cherish the life we have. to not take things for granted. to tell our loved ones how much they mean to us because the next day they can be gone.

im so sorry you were my reminder. im so sorry for your closest friends and your family.

i'm so sorry you won't be here with us, i won't see you at reunions or hear from you on myspace or facebook. i have our high school memories. you were too young.

i can't think straight right now. you're in a better happier place right now. you have even more reason to smile.

i love you and RIP.
so obviously i bring this upon myself. i know i shouldn't. i should know by know what usually happens but i still do it.


:[

i'm going to try to not let this bother me anymore. thanks jeffrey for the really nice advice <3
and casey too.

“there will be a guy out there who knows you care too much so he’ll show up so you can care about him.
but just know love is patience. you cant have love. without the other” -jn

shamless promotion.





i finally put my hawaii pictures on flickr.
www.flickr.com/ohemgeecelina
my lazy ass is finally going to start posting pictures from hawaii.

here's some of my favorite. they were taken at the luau (where the food was amazing OH MY GOD!)
this guy makes his living playing with fire. fucking skills.

(click on them to see them bigger because lj is a bitch when it comes to posting pics -_-)












ironically, i feel like i'm playing with fire right now too.

DUN DUN DUN.


i’ve always had this fascination with North Korea, especially after seeing the National Geographic documentary (which can be seen here: http://www.onlinedocumentaries4u.com/2009/06/inside-north-korea.html). The fact that these people live in such a secluded piece of the world, the fact that they are prisoners, the fact that despite the photos, stories and voices that come out of this place, there is nothing that can be done to help.

Today i found out that North Korea’s top court has convicted two U.S. journalists, and sentenced them to 12 years in labor prison, the country’s state news agency reported Monday.



The Central Court tried American TV reporters Laura Ling and Euna Lee and confirmed their unspecified ”grave crime” against the nation, and of illegally crossing into North Korea, the Korean Central News Agency said.

It said the court — which tried the women from June 4 to 8 — ”sentenced each of them to 12 years of reform through labor.” The report gave no other details.

The U.S. Embassy in Seoul said it had no immediate comment.

The circumstances surrounding the trial of the two journalists and their arrest three months ago on the China-North Korean border have been shrouded in secrecy, as is typical of the reclusive nation.

There were fears that the two women would be used by Pyongyang as bargaining chips in its standoff with South Korea and the United States, which are pushing for U.N. sanctions to punish the nation for its latest nuclear blast and barrage of missile tests.

The journalists — working for former Vice President Al Gore’s California-based Current TV — were arrested March 17 as they were reporting about the trafficking of women. It’s unclear if they strayed into the North or were grabbed by aggressive border guards who crossed into China.

Gore spokeswoman Kalee Kreider did not have an immediate response to the sentencing.

The women cannot appeal as they were tried in North Korea’s highest court where decisions are final.

The sentences are much harsher than what many observers had hoped for. The trial was not open to the public or to foreign observers. (
http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2009/06/08/world/AP-AS-NKorea-Journalists-Held.html?_r=1&src=twt&twt=nytimes)

my heart goes out to these women and their families. I cannot begin to imagine the horrors they have or are going to face.


i’ve spent the last hour or so looking at pictures and videos of North Korea, and i have a sort of emptiness in my soul. I want to go out and help. I want to show the world. There is so much more to life than our little problems. We take so much for granted, yet we have no idea what else lies out there. And yes, i am completely guilty of doing this. We complain at the smallest of things. We cannot possibly fathom the awful things people that aren't as fortunate as us deal with. Our lives are so small when it comes to the big retrospective of things. The world is scary. the things that happen because of one thing can lead to something else much worse. The world is so much bigger. I know i won't stop complaining about the small things, but i don't want to be oblivious to the bigger picture.

i want to help, i know i can’t change the world but if i could at least try…

on stray cats & personalities.



there’s this cat that comes to my house every so often and it never fails to come over and meow, purr and turn over to let me rub his belly. he's the sweetest thing ever and his owners don't really care enough to make sure he stays put. i sat outside with him for an hour the other day, just taking pictures of him while he sat, slept, and talked to me.

being the animal freak i am i wanted to do what i thought was best for him.
i wish i could just grab him, clean him up, and keep him. never letting him outside where he could get hurt. He’d stay with me, warm, safe, and comfortable. this cat not only makes me happy to see but it also reminds me of who i am.

i want to have everything in control. i want everyone or everything around me ok. i go out of my way to make things ok. if someone's happy, i'm happy. if someone needs something, i try my best to do it. i know sometimes well it comes from a good place, it isn't supposed to be that way. but i just want things to be so fine i try to manipulate it into being the right way. i go out of my way to cheer up someone, to listen, to give advice. rarely do i get the favor returned. there are a few, but the amount of time and effort i put in for certain people, i don't get it back. but i don't usually think about getting the favor back. i can honestly say i care too much and don't know how to do that for myself. i know that's bad. but i feel like it's good too. how? i'm not sure yet, but i feel like it wouldn't be such a big part of my personality if it wasn't some good.

it’s my one of my biggest faults, putting everything but myself first and caring for everything but me.

but the more i think about it, it’s also one of my greatest strengths.